I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
