you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
