dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
