How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
