dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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