My first STD was from a foam party
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
