grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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