I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
