my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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