I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
