i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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