But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I could make wine with my vomit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
