i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
