So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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