i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
