Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
