If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
