Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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