do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
