Have you finally orgasmed yet?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
