apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
