Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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