its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
