Don't make out with my wife yet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
