god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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