so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
