I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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