watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
