who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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