I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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