I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do herpes really smell.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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