Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
