He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
God I need to hump something, right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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