I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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