my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
