Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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