I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
