I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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