Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
