I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
