Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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