that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
