If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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