Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
