you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
