Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Please, let me fuck your mom
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she smelled like a LAN party
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
