ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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