I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
