he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
