Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
